Tree Huggers

The trouble with hugging a tree is that it tends to block your view of what's around you. Oh, I know it's environmentally friendly, and spiritually correct to hug trees these days, and I'm all for it. But I am cautious about becoming too attached to any one particular tree because sometimes it can be really hard to let go.

I've had client's tell me they do not want to change. "So....why are we having this conversation?"

"Ummm, I know what I'm doing is not the best for me, but if you can help me manage it better...."

"So, you want me to make you better at what you are doing, even though you realise it is not the best for you?"

"Is that ok?"

That's the problem with 'anger management' or any 'management' for that matter. Many people just want to know how to control or manage the problem better without addressing it directly or going through the tough experience of learning to do something differently. The expectation is that they can learn to be better at anger, they can learn to be a better abusive partner, or my personal favourite, be a better drunk.

Sometimes we are just not ready for change. It's a whole lot easier to hold on to what we know - and that's ok, it's a perfectly natural reaction. We go back to what we know. It's comfortable, and it is safe.

I've found that in many people's lives there comes a time when doing what we know just doesn't seem to work so well anymore. It's as if the rules have changed. In fact, doing more of what we know seems to be dragging us down. Real personal change at this time is about being self aware enough to notice this, to admit this, and then to open up to look for possibilities for doing something different.

At this point though we tend to find ourselves hugging the proverbial tree and therefore not being able to see the forest around us. Working with someone to explore the forest around you is a great idea. Just looking at ways to do things differently and being supported in your choices and the action you might take makes a huge difference to our ability to let go of the tree. The tree will always be there - you can stay close while you explore - and who knows what you might find when you let go.