Courage of Change

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. - Author Unknown

Create Awareness for a Change

In 1988 I bought my first car, a 1975 Fiat 128 Rally. It was second hand and cost me all of R2000. The car taught me a lot about myself, especially patience. You see, even though the car was generally outstanding the one thing that worked erratically was the fuel indicator. So, from time to time, I would find myself with an abundance of air in my tank and forced to casually sidle over to the side of the road to seek a friendly petrol station that could sell me petrol and some kind of container to carry it in. Not always an easy task.

There was a unique trick that I had to learn to get the car going again. It was not enough to simply pour petrol into the tank. Once this was done the engine would turn and turn until I popped the bonnet, opened the carburettor and quenched its thirst with a drop of petrol into this mysterious contraption. All I knew was that it worked and therefore I was prepared for it. I was usually reasonably calm. I knew what to do and learned to be incredibly efficient in this process.

Unlike my reaction to my first motorbike. Okay, I loved that bike too. A 1982 Suzuki GSX 250 it was my main transport for at least two years. But this bike had a habit of refusing to start when it was wet. Most bikers know days when you set off in warm sunshine and then have to ride home at the end of the day in the pouring rain. Inevitably my bike would stop running and refuse to start again. I clearly remember one night in the rain cursing and kicking the bike when it refused to start. I lost it completely before sadly conceding defeat and walking home in a puddle.

Back then I didn't know why I reacted so differently in two frustrating situations. Since then I have done my homework and have learned about myself, my reactions, my emotions. Even better, I've learned what I can do to empower myself to understand and control my emotions. If I can learn to do this then believe me you can do it to. Doing change always starts with self awareness. Go here to start this process with a free questionnaire that tells you what your 5 main strengths are. Register and start with the VIA Signature Strengths Questionnaire, and then have some fun with the other questionnaires. Learning about yourself can be fun when you're not in the rain kicking a soggy Suzuki.

If Nothing Ever Changed...

I guess there is plenty to learn about change using the metaphor of the butterfly - it is the ultimate change after all. You start off life as a caterpillar, do some funky stuff in a pupa, and emerge to really spread your wings and fly. Now, I don't know much about lepidoptera (it's Greek to me) but you must admit caterpillars do seem to handle forced change pretty well.

Butterfly World, near Stellenbosch, is an awesome place. It's a different world, with hundreds of varieties of butterflies hatching and fluttering about in this tropical (read humid) atmosphere.

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown.

The thing that strikes me is that there are so many different types of butterflies. There is no mold for change, it will always be a different experience for each of us, and we don't all emerge looking the same. Accepting change may lead you to something wonderful and unexpected.



This is not just about change, this is about transition. In a conversation today I was reminded that I do transition. I appreciate the journey from a current place to another way of being, with all the learning along the way. I don't believe transition is given enough attention, especially in organisational change. In my experience the starting point for change in many organisations is the butterfly, and if you can't be that then you are 'not committed'. There's not much thought given to the transition, the journey, that we must take before we can inhabit the new space.

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies... Perhaps a way forward is to practice looking for 'the best of' in change. Ask different questions. What could you be? How would you like to emerge? What can you do now to ensure that happens?

Surf's Up for Change

I did an interview today about change for Men's Health magazine - yup, men do do change too. (Could that be a song title?) The joke of course is that in the pages of Men's Health men take on change as long as there is sex every day and built abs as a bonus! Anyway I digress - quite a lot actually.

While I was talking about change I was reminded of a metaphor I've used to describe change. Surfing.

Nope, I've never been a surfer. Believe me, I would not be able to stand up on a board. In fact, I couldn't think of anything more uncool than me trying to stand on a board! BUT - I do have an imagination, and I have seen enough people looking good on waves big and small. So what has surfing got to do with change?

I can imagine what it must be like to be surfing a wave. Once you are standing you need to be extremely flexible to keep your balance and to direct the board. I imagine you have your knees bent slightly and your body is ready to move in any direction in an instant. That kind of flexibility is what we need in life to cope with change. Change is all around us, we must be ready for it and be willing to move and be flexible in order to remain standing. Bill Rancic, winner of The Apprentice in 2004, describes this as agility. And he says perseverance is essential too.

But that's not all, oh no... (I think the Cat in the Hat said that, but that's another article completely). When you are on that surf board it is necessary to focus on what lies ahead. Being flexible in the moment is essential, but looking ahead is as important. On the wave you would be making decisions about how to best use the wave, to see where the wave is taking you. Are you heading for rocks? Is the wave going to dump you? Where do you want to ride on the wave, or should you take the decision to get off it and wait for another wave? Dealing with change in our lives is like this too. You have to be flexible in the moment, but also keep an eye on what lies ahead and make decisions that are best for you. It's about being prepared.

I like to try and practice what I preach. It's not always easy, but dealing with change requires that you can be flexible and be prepared. However, I think for now I'll practice standing on the bus without holding on rather than become part of the food chain!

Tree Huggers

The trouble with hugging a tree is that it tends to block your view of what's around you. Oh, I know it's environmentally friendly, and spiritually correct to hug trees these days, and I'm all for it. But I am cautious about becoming too attached to any one particular tree because sometimes it can be really hard to let go.

I've had client's tell me they do not want to change. "So....why are we having this conversation?"

"Ummm, I know what I'm doing is not the best for me, but if you can help me manage it better...."

"So, you want me to make you better at what you are doing, even though you realise it is not the best for you?"

"Is that ok?"

That's the problem with 'anger management' or any 'management' for that matter. Many people just want to know how to control or manage the problem better without addressing it directly or going through the tough experience of learning to do something differently. The expectation is that they can learn to be better at anger, they can learn to be a better abusive partner, or my personal favourite, be a better drunk.

Sometimes we are just not ready for change. It's a whole lot easier to hold on to what we know - and that's ok, it's a perfectly natural reaction. We go back to what we know. It's comfortable, and it is safe.

I've found that in many people's lives there comes a time when doing what we know just doesn't seem to work so well anymore. It's as if the rules have changed. In fact, doing more of what we know seems to be dragging us down. Real personal change at this time is about being self aware enough to notice this, to admit this, and then to open up to look for possibilities for doing something different.

At this point though we tend to find ourselves hugging the proverbial tree and therefore not being able to see the forest around us. Working with someone to explore the forest around you is a great idea. Just looking at ways to do things differently and being supported in your choices and the action you might take makes a huge difference to our ability to let go of the tree. The tree will always be there - you can stay close while you explore - and who knows what you might find when you let go.