‘Why are you so happy?’ asked the client. ‘I didn’t buy a pool from you.’ ‘That’s right,’ said the salesman. ‘But 1 out of every 10 people do. You were the 9th person to turn me down today, which means the next person I speak to will buy a pool from me.’
This salesman could have reacted differently and been despondent and depressed that he didn’t make the sale, which would also have affected his ability to make further sales.
Instead, he recognises that he is responsible for his own feelings and is able to manage his emotions effectively.
Emotional intelligence is a choice you make. You can allow an emotion to direct your actions and thoughts, or you can choose to direct your actions and thoughts in a different way using your awareness of the emotion.
(excerpt from my published book "Emotional Intelligence and Leadership" - 2007)
It's a simple thought for this post. How do you react when things aren't going quite the way you hope? Are you happy with this?
Take some time to think about how you react to different areas of your life. Which areas of your life have power over your emotions - the way you feel? If you're not happy with this ongoing relationship then you can change it.
When you are aware of your emotions you can begin to manage them. Make a different choice. Instead of being a slave to an emotion make a conscious choice to try something different.
Visualise something you really want, or just choose to to take a stand against the emotion you don't want. Create a phrase: "I see you there and I know what you want". Move it aside and replace it with a more desired emotion. Try it out. It takes practice. But don't give up too soon.
Reclaiming control over your emotions can literally change your life.
Mark Connelly - Change Management Coach, Business & Life Coach, Psychologist - Cape Town
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2 comments:
presumably if one needs to begin taking control then is one not becomming controlling and is this not contrary to the quantum theory of being in the now.... if i am my emotions and i live my emotions do i have to control my emotions or should i allow everything to just be including the responses of my environment to my emotions and my repsonse to those responses; instead of exercising being in control
I'm not sure about the quantum theory of "being in the now"? My understanding is that quantum theory points to order in the midst of what appears to be chaos,and that in this world relationships determine everything.
If we use the machine metaphor of traditional science to understand people and emotions then yes, taking control can be understood as an attempt to isolate and 'fix' a part of the whole, which is very different to the quantum view.
Quantum physics emphasises whole systems rather than the parts and suggests that the whole exists only because of relationships or connections between what we've previously thought of as separate parts.
Applied to emotions these ideas indicate that it's not possible to allow everything to just be. The act of being aware of an emotion is an intervention, and just focusing on this opens us to the possibility of change.
My intention is to emphasise that the possibility of change exists in greater awareness. That said, the use of the word 'control' in the title may be ill-advised. Maybe it's more about learning to live with chaos, change and instability.
If we do this by learning to be present in the moment I don't believe we should have no intentions or be directionless. As Margaret Wheatley suggests it would be better to attend more carefully to the process by which we create our plans and intentions.
Mark
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