Surf's Up for Change

I did an interview today about change for Men's Health magazine - yup, men do do change too. (Could that be a song title?) The joke of course is that in the pages of Men's Health men take on change as long as there is sex every day and built abs as a bonus! Anyway I digress - quite a lot actually.

While I was talking about change I was reminded of a metaphor I've used to describe change. Surfing.

Nope, I've never been a surfer. Believe me, I would not be able to stand up on a board. In fact, I couldn't think of anything more uncool than me trying to stand on a board! BUT - I do have an imagination, and I have seen enough people looking good on waves big and small. So what has surfing got to do with change?

I can imagine what it must be like to be surfing a wave. Once you are standing you need to be extremely flexible to keep your balance and to direct the board. I imagine you have your knees bent slightly and your body is ready to move in any direction in an instant. That kind of flexibility is what we need in life to cope with change. Change is all around us, we must be ready for it and be willing to move and be flexible in order to remain standing. Bill Rancic, winner of The Apprentice in 2004, describes this as agility. And he says perseverance is essential too.

But that's not all, oh no... (I think the Cat in the Hat said that, but that's another article completely). When you are on that surf board it is necessary to focus on what lies ahead. Being flexible in the moment is essential, but looking ahead is as important. On the wave you would be making decisions about how to best use the wave, to see where the wave is taking you. Are you heading for rocks? Is the wave going to dump you? Where do you want to ride on the wave, or should you take the decision to get off it and wait for another wave? Dealing with change in our lives is like this too. You have to be flexible in the moment, but also keep an eye on what lies ahead and make decisions that are best for you. It's about being prepared.

I like to try and practice what I preach. It's not always easy, but dealing with change requires that you can be flexible and be prepared. However, I think for now I'll practice standing on the bus without holding on rather than become part of the food chain!

Tree Huggers

The trouble with hugging a tree is that it tends to block your view of what's around you. Oh, I know it's environmentally friendly, and spiritually correct to hug trees these days, and I'm all for it. But I am cautious about becoming too attached to any one particular tree because sometimes it can be really hard to let go.

I've had client's tell me they do not want to change. "So....why are we having this conversation?"

"Ummm, I know what I'm doing is not the best for me, but if you can help me manage it better...."

"So, you want me to make you better at what you are doing, even though you realise it is not the best for you?"

"Is that ok?"

That's the problem with 'anger management' or any 'management' for that matter. Many people just want to know how to control or manage the problem better without addressing it directly or going through the tough experience of learning to do something differently. The expectation is that they can learn to be better at anger, they can learn to be a better abusive partner, or my personal favourite, be a better drunk.

Sometimes we are just not ready for change. It's a whole lot easier to hold on to what we know - and that's ok, it's a perfectly natural reaction. We go back to what we know. It's comfortable, and it is safe.

I've found that in many people's lives there comes a time when doing what we know just doesn't seem to work so well anymore. It's as if the rules have changed. In fact, doing more of what we know seems to be dragging us down. Real personal change at this time is about being self aware enough to notice this, to admit this, and then to open up to look for possibilities for doing something different.

At this point though we tend to find ourselves hugging the proverbial tree and therefore not being able to see the forest around us. Working with someone to explore the forest around you is a great idea. Just looking at ways to do things differently and being supported in your choices and the action you might take makes a huge difference to our ability to let go of the tree. The tree will always be there - you can stay close while you explore - and who knows what you might find when you let go.